Mitch the Barkeep

RACE. Human
ALIAS. "Boozebitch," "Shit-For-Brains," "Fgt," "Fuck Off, Mitch," "Seriously, Please Kill Yourself," "Fgt," "Lardass Fattie McFattikins Fatass Fatface"
RANK. 1
HOTEL NUMBER. 413

AGE. 30
GENDER. Terminator-Kin (He9000, His9000, Him9000)
SEXUALITY. Washing Machines.
HEIGHT. 5'10"
WEIGHT. 478 lb

HP. 5
MP. 10

STR. 0
END. 0
MAG. 0
BAR. 0
DEX. +6
SPD. 0



STARTING CLASS. Shitlord

TRAIT. Hypertrigger: Takes more damage than other characters.


✓ PERK SLOT 1:
Mama's Boy: (Gambit) Every turn that Mitch does not mention his mother, he gains -1 to all stats until the end of the thread. If Mitch successfully mentions his mother in every post within a thread, upon entering the next thread he will start with +1 END and +1 BAR for three turns.

✓ PERK SLOT 2:
No Ketchup, Please: (Gambit) The one "blessed" with this perk unfortunately suffers from a tomato allergy and cannot consume them or else they will suffer a -2 END penalty and have a really bad stomach ache. However, for whatever reason, they also gain +1 STR.

✓ PERK SLOT 3:

- Awful

- NERD

- Self-Righteous

- Pompous

- Cowardly

- All-Talk

- Stupid

- Fat (Fatness is a Personality Trait, if You Squint Turnways At It)

- Lazy

- Sensitive

- Apathetic

- Alcoholic

DISLIKES:

✓ Cishet Ableist White Male Scum

✓ His Fellow SJWs

✓ The Outdoors

✓ Physical Activity

✓ Being Triggered

✓ Everything

✓ Dying, Because Seriously, Fuck That Noise.

✓ People

✓ Sunshine and Puppy Dogs

LIKES:

✓ The Animus and Mangos

✓ Homosuck

✓ Indie House Music

✓ Household Appliances (Sexually)

✓ Being Right About Literally Everything

✓ Pwning n00bz (In Theory. He's Never Pwned Any n00bz.)

✓ Copious Amounts of Alcohol

✓ Zoe Quinn (Only Because Of Her Extremely Shitty Video "Games," Like DepressionQuest and WaifuQuest 2, which He Owns a Copy Of Somehow)

✓ Sending Death Threats, And Subsequently Not Acting On Them. (Remember His Dislike For Physical Activity)






Mitch was born to a long and prestigious line of complete and utter douchebags, and he eventually discovered the newfangled internet at the ripe peak of his youth, two years old, when he grew his third chin (he was a late bloomer). After dozens of years of being a douche, he found Shithive and evolved into a shitlord. He proceeded to be even more of a douche, until Shithive pissed him off, and he hacked the internetz with his hacker skillz0rz and killed Shithive. This heroic act was literally the only thing he ever accomplished in life, besides being a douche. Then he died.




✓ HEADPIECE: Simple (0 HS): Ridiculously Baseball-Related Hat - Mitch tends to wear a stupid orange baseball cap everywhere he goes. It's dumb, and he's basically like that retarded ninja kid, in hat form.

✓ CHESTPIECE: Simple (0 HS): Shitty Pocket-Protector - NERD.

✓ HANDPIECE:
Name: Excelsior-Tier Pimp Ringz w/ Fingerless Gloves
Description: (Advanced) Pimp Rings - AKA, shit-tier nonsense he bought at a toy store to look like he's important. The diamonds are plastic. All of them. Also comes with fingerless gloves, for lots of finger manipulation. Great for typing up those angry rants.
Stat Bonuses: +4 DEX
Enchantments: Zilch

✓ LEGPIECE: Basic (5 HS): Urutimatu Pregunancu Pantsu HO! - Mitch is too fat to wear normal pants, so he wears elastic-y pregnancy pants. Otherwise, he'd run around naked, and no. Please no. +2 DEX

✓ SHOEPIECE: Simple: Hipster Moccasins (0 HS) - Dammit, Mitch. Stop this nonsense.


✓ RIGHT-HAND: PURE FISTICUFFS

✓ LEFT-HAND: PURE FISTICUFFS



✓ ACCESSORY SLOT 1:

✓ ACCESSORY SLOT 2:

✓ ACCESSORY SLOT 3:



✓ POTION SLOT 1:

✓ POTION SLOT 2:

✓ POTION SLOT 3:


✓ SPELL SLOT 1: Tier 2 Alcomancy: The Only Thing Mitch Is Good At #1 - Using his speshul majyyks, Mitch can, at will, summon fruity cocktail drinks with sissy umbrellas from his pregnancy pants. But worry not, for they only APPEAR to be girly drinks for girly girls. They are actually boy manly low-quality vodka disguised as fruity cocktails. Taste like straight vodka with a slight hint of underpants. Despite being a Tier 2 spell, the only thing this does is gross people out or eventually intoxicate them. Otherwise, this spell is basically useless.

✓ SPELL SLOT 2:
Name: Shithive Strikeforce 1

Spell Type: Tier 1, Assault (Spoken Word)

Description: With all of his anger boiling inside, Mitch can unleash pure rage on his enemies, through a rant. The power of this spell is equivalent to words-used-in-rant/100, checked against BAR, with a minimum of one true damage, chip, because no matter how strong you are, a true Shitlord's anger can wreak havoc in your soul. Because Mitch is such a Shitlord, in fact, this spell requires two MP instead of one, as a normal Tier 1 spell would.

✓ SPELL SLOT 3:

OOC NAME: JAY | OTHER: HOW EVEN DID THIS GUY BECOME A CHAMPION, LOL