This Fucker Across the Hall {Blake/Cas}

"Yo, what the fuck do you want asshole? You're breaking into my fucking jamming session, like shit man. Don't you have any fucking manners?"

That voice sounded so familiar. So very familiar, but it was hard for Blake to place it. It made his skin tingle. The voice, the causticity behind those words. Familiar words. They had meaning somewhere. Blake just shoved a hand against the door, pushing just hard enough to keep the other person from slamming it shut. “I want you to turn that shit down, fucktard.” Growling, Blake shoved harder at the door, trying to barge his way into the apartment. It was either the man himself, or the junk that was undoubtedly piled behind the door that caused the object to hardly budge. “Fuck, open up. I’ll go in there and turn the shit off myself!”

It was with another push of the door that Blake saw it, if only a glimpse, before his hand fell and he let the door return to its partially cracked position. He’d seen enough though. Bright blue hair, halfway down the man’s chest. And those eyes. The unforgettable gold that was much too yellow to be normal, set in an angry glare. Images flashed through his mind of a time before this. A time when he was both physically and metaphorically alive. He was laughing, shoving at the other while they spat curses at him. Cursing as the other man whipped him, not for pleasure, but for the sake of taking out anger. Blue hair in the wind, the windows rolled down and the stereo blasting some shitty songs just for the hell of it. Blake stepped back, hands trembling as he holstered his guns. There was no fucking way.

He wanted to believe that it was him. The man he’d once known, loved, on earth. But at the same time, he prayed that it wasn’t Lancaster. As devious and hotheaded as Lancaster was, he didn’t need to be down here. Taking a deep breath to focus, Blake just peeked into the door as best he could, leaning to the side a bit to see better. There weren’t many people with hair that shade, and the eyes were the same he’d remembered. Putting on a gentle smile, one he hardly ever adopted, Blake lowered his voice and hoped he’d be heard over the pounding of the music in the background.

“Cassie?”

He was boiling, Blake could see it, and his chest grew tight with an impending sense of doom. Terror washed over him, and he actually flinched when the man threw open the door. He thought he and Cas… This wasn’t how… No. He was so sorry, he hadn’t meant for this to happen. To find Cas here was already horrible enough, but to find him angry at him was so much worse. He wanted to just hold him again, to remember those precious times they’d had on earth before he’d so foolishly let it all end. He just wanted to turn back the time, back to when things were easier. When he and Cas were happy, not this. He just wan-

“Blake?”

His name fell from those lips so softly, like he’d heard it muttered so long ago in disbelief when he asked. Too bad that dream would never come true. The accident later that month had fucked him up. Fucked him up real hard, hard enough to send him here. He’d gotten his chance to tell Cas he loved him, and all that romantic shit, but he hated himself for being reckless. As bitchy and whiny as Cas was, he didn’t want to leave him alone. On the outside Cas was a badass, but Blake knew on the inside that Lancaster had been torn up. The precious blue-haired man got upset whenever they fought one another, though he’d probably never admit to it. Just like he totally hadn’t cried when Blake asked Cas to marry him. It was those agonizing few seconds while Cas tried to wrap his head around the question that were being relived right now. Blake was scared, and it probably showed on his face.

Lancaster stood still so much longer than Blake was comfortable with. Standing there, emotions unguarded and hands wringing themselves together, the redhead simply waited in out as he chewed on his lip. He was afraid Cas wouldn’t want anything to do with him, this idea stemming from the fact that Blake blamed himself for his death. He shouldn’t have been on the roof in the first place, but it was a peaceful place. A place to get away and smoke by himself. Five stories is a long way to fall. It was actually rather ironic that he was currently located on the 6th floor of the hotel. Fate works in hellish ways.

When Blake zoned back in, he caught a sight he was sure Cas wasn’t supposed to let him see. Tears bubbled up in those clear eyes of his and spilled over the edges. When a sob tore its way from Cas’s lips, Blake rushed forward, meeting Cas as the other threw his arms around Blake.

“God fucking dammit Blake I missed you. So-so fucking much…oh my fucking God…"

Blake just held Cas tighter, rubbing his back in gentle circles as he himself began to cry with relief. He was glad that the hall was empty for the most part. While their display was raw and heartfelt, he really didn’t care for anyone else to walk in on their moment. “Fuck. Cas, I missed you. I’m sorry you were alone.” Blake cut off, his throat tight as he tried to force out the words he’d thought about every day since his death. “What the fuck happened to you? You… Cas you shouldn’t be here.” Realization hit Blake and he clutched Cas tighter. “Cas tell me you didn’t fucking kill yourself. I mean, I know I’m great and all, but please.” Trying to lighten the mood a bit and stop with the waterworks, Blake let out a half-hearted chuckle. “Goddamn idiot. I missed you so fucking much. But seriously. We should go in your room and talk about things before the whole hall hears this shit.”

He wasn’t acting right. Blake glanced down at the very-slightly-shorter man and frowned slightly. What the hell was Cas talking about? Not wanting him there? Of course Blake didn’t want him there, but not for the reasons Cas was probably hung up on. Speaking of being hung up, that was odd. Cas wasn’t normally like that, more mouthy and rude than this. To hear his melancholy words and watch him glance down like that left this empty feeling in Blake’s stomach. Wrapping arms around him, Blake just cooed softly and held him, trying his best to comfort him. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. They were both supposed to be happy and cheerful, maybe throw some curses at one another, but these feelings and sad words were not what Blake was expecting.

Blake asked him how he kicked the bucket, praying that Cas didn’t do anything stupid. It hadn’t even been two weeks and Lancaster had already showed up in the afterlife, leading Blake to assume the absolute worst. Would Cas have really done that? Blake felt his brow furrow. Of course not, Cas wasn’t that stupid, right? Blake on the other hand, he probably would have. He was already going insane being alone, without the blue-haired demon.

And then. Cas was rambling. He did that when he got all upset, which wasn’t very often. At least not this type of upset. Normally it was anger, which accompanied a long spiel filled with curse words and derogative terms. This wasn’t like that, though. Cas was…sad? He ramble was filled with “uhms” and various pauses. Cas never paused in his speech, he was always spitting the words out faster than his mind could produce them, and was now lost for words. It was actually kind of humorous, the way Cas had died, though also terrible. It created this odd tingling feeling of coldness through his body, but what makes his blood turn to ice is what Cas says after that.

“ it’s not like it’s a bad thing to kill yourself! I mean….uhm….well okay it kind of is. But you did it and it was extremely bad but it was your choice and I mean if you really wanted to get away from me so bad then I guess it’s my fault and I’m sorry and and….“

Blake just stood there, staring at some point behind Cas’s head for a moment before he felt a tear slide down his face. Cas thought that? Cas thought that Blake had killed himself? Over the fight? How long had Cas sat in the darkness of a lonely room and blamed himself for something he didn’t do? Told himself that Blake had killed himself because of him, and apologized to the air a million times over. How many times had Cas cried thinking about it?

Blake just dismissed that topic for a moment. He could explain once they were in the room, where he himself could have his own little breakdown. Before that, though, he mentioned missing Cas, which played out a bit worse than he imagined. It was probably that word, idiot, carelessly tacked to the front of his sentence that did it. Blake felt the cold again, figuratively and mentally, as Cas pushed him away. Blake just let his arms drop and let out a little sigh. This was definitely not how he’d envisioned meeting up with Cas again, and he’d sure dreamed about it every day.

Blake slowly moved forward and entered the room, carefully stepping over the junk that was littered on the floor. Picking his way around some scattered clothing and random food items, Blake made his way to the couch and sat down, moving some magazines from the other cushion while watching Cas. “Come sit down, Cas. There’s a lot I want to talk to you about.” Taking another little breath, pretending he didn’t notice the way Cas was acting. “Lancaster, why do you think I jumped?” He looked up at Cas desperately, his eyes pained as he thought about Cas finding his body, or being told that his boyfriend had been found dead, likely from suicide. “I didn’t, I didn’t jump. I loved you, I still do. I would never… never. It was stupid, the fight, I know. What’s even more stupid is falling off a fucking roof. I don’t even remember it.” Blake sighed and looked down into his lap. “I fell off the roof, Cassie. I’m stupid, remember? You always used to say that, didn’t you? And I let you worry about it. Asshole, huh?” Blake just grinned, a little half-hearted smile in his attempt to lighten the mood. “I missed you so much, Cassie.”

It was pooling. That sickening feeling you get when you’re being yelled at. He hated it, listening to Cas ramble on about how stupid he had been, to have fallen from a roof. It was more than that, though. Blake had just wanted to get away from everything for a moment and stop fighting and see the world from atop the highest place he could think. It was only five stories, but it felt like many more. He was angry, yeah, but never so much so that he’d think of anything half as stupid as the things Lancaster had dreamed up.

~*~

It was nice atop the building. He could sit and watch everything from his own omniscient point of view, while the wind blew his hair back. The sky above was bright blue, the kind typical of a warm spring afternoon. There were clouds in the sky, casting enough shade on the ground for the sun to be comfortable. It was one of those days. Those nice warm days where you can just watch the clouds all day. Blake was finally able to sit and relax and not worry about the little things. Who did this and who did that wasn’t even important anymore.

The fight was stupid. The two of them had both woken up on the wrong side of the bed and had taken out their frustrations on the other. Blake could hardly even remember why they fought to begin with, but it was something trivial. One of them had probably left the water running, or forgotten to close the refrigerator. From there, it’d escalated to curses and name calling, and from there yelling. Blake had just had to get away. As often as he played the badass cold kid, he wasn’t so very cool underneath. Listening to Cas rant and yell and say terrible things to him snapped something. He didn’t mean to say anything back, especially not anything that would actually hurt Cas in the long run. He’d just wanted it to end, he was tired of arguing. So he ran. Blake was surprised Cas didn’t try to follow him, but he kept going anyway. The roof of the apartment complex had always been his refuge.

It was windy, and Blake was out of it. His eyes were sightless, though his mind painted countless images of Cas. Angry Cas, sad Cas, happy Cas. He didn’t remember moving at all. The next thing he knew, he was leaning on the guardrail, tears in his eyes as he thought about his relationship. He was sick of the arguing. They were supposed to be married, yet all they ever did was bicker and yell at one another. He was then over the rail, teetering for a moment before his feet gave way. Then. He was falling.

The movies portray it all in slow motion, but it wasn’t. It sort of felt that way, falling a good fifty feet, but everything flashed before his eyes. He was with his parents, they were happy. Then he was beaten by them, probably something like breaking a plate. But throughout each flash was a shot of blue. Cas. They were meeting at some sleazy bar, touching, kissing, dating, cuddling. Blake had asked him to marry him. He wanted to apologize. What would Cas think when they found the body? He’d probably-

crunch

~*~

" Oh my fucking god Blake! You have to be the biggest idiot I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet! Oh my fucking. URGH"

No, that was enough of this shit. The waterworks were starting back up, though they were filled with anger more than anything. He didn’t need this asshole to tell him how stupid he was. “Shut up, Lancaster! You have no room to talk, you idiot. Walking out in- omf!?” Caught off guard by the sudden hug, Blake just sat completely still for a moment before wrapping his arms around Cas. “Sorry I made you worry, Princess. Next time I’ll call ahead of time before I fall 50 feet onto the sidewalk. How about yourself though? You’re dead too, yanno?” It came out as a joke, but the serious tone behind the words had to be obvious. You should be alive. How do I know you didn’t pull some shit where you walked out in front of a bus on purpose?”